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February 24, 2010
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Well, welcome to another action packed journal post about your favorite raspberry colored fox.

This one is a biggie. I never thought I could do this but I knew that it was the right thing to do.

I quit my job… Completely.

It's weird because it like… well. I can't explain it but I knew this was the right thing to do. I knew I should have quit about a month ago but I didn't want to because of the income and getting craft things. I thought that if I did quit I would throw myself into something bad. But at the same time it felt right to quit, when I started to feel stressed and like I had NO TIME TO MYSELF WHAT SO EVER I should of token action then. I know how I feel and these feelings weren't "work feelings" as my sister and mother referred them too. No, these were my creative expression, my more non-ego self screaming at me to do better and leave before things got worst.

At one time I really did want to get hired full time and study Roth IRA's and crap like that to enhance my experience and to do my best. I had drive behide what I was doing, and I felt like there was something at the end of the road for me there, I really did. But shortly after when our team leaders changed and I start learning more and more functions things just start being a hassle. Things got more stressful and just difficult. We all know I want to make charms and sell them to the internet, so whenever I can I would buy crafts and practice on them. Not only that but the work schedule is crazy and hard to get used too.

Week 1: Monday to Thursday- and I would have Friday to Sunday off.

Then into week 2: Monday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday I would have work and have Tuesday, Wednesday, and Sunday off.

Then I would go back to week 1 and repeat. Not only that but I worked 10 hour days except Saturday (we got out early on the weekend).

Work stared at 7:30AM and ended 6:30PM. I would leave at 6:00PM since I had to take the last shuttle home. Going and coming to work takes two hours each and there was no way around it. So I would wake up at 4:30-5:00AM and leave the house at 5:50AM for work. Then coming home I would arrive around 8:00PM. I go to bed at 9 so that usually leaves me less then as hour of any me time when I had work.

If you have something to do you can always wait for one of the days off but you will be so tired that you would want to sleep and laze around all day.

It's probably all confusing but long story short it was an all out bitch on the daily. Trying to get craft stuff on days off, practicing, trying to be active on the net, trying to rest up for the coming work days, trying to get things organize, maintaining enough energy to work in front of a super bright computer screen in a super bright area, learning a bunch of new functions all at once, and trying to step up my productivity and accuracy at work. WTF.

I knew I was doing too much but I never mapped it out like this. No wonder I got so stressed. No person should live life like this, we're not robots and shouldn't work almost nonstop for 10 hours. It's like juggling ten things with one hand.

I was so stressed out that on the past Sunday I pretty much broke down. Me and my boyfriend was suppose to hang out with his friends and eat at the old country buffet. That Saturday we had work and after work I went clothes shopping and went to the downtown mall in Philadelphia (where I reside in that's two hours away from the king of Prussia mall where hot topic is). So that morning I felt not tired (since I was tired that whole week) but exhausted. I have gotten really cranky that early morning but I wanted to hang out with friends still since I wasn't going to do anything productive. When it was time to get ready I just really wanted to stay home and sleep, but lately I've been wanting to push myself to go that extra mile. Hard work produces good results right? WRONG. When I was getting ready, everything was just falling apart. Things got into my eye, my hair was a complete mess, then my Boyfriend seemed a bit pet peeved as well since I shooed him away when he was trying to be affectionate. I was done, just sick of everything and told him to just go without me on the steps. I was so upset and just angry that tears started to flow. I didn't want to deal with anything and just wanted to go to bed.

So my boyfriend said that he was going home. I apologized to him and said "I didn't mean to ruin your day; I'm just so stressed out!" I was and it was epic. I saw it coming too but I didn't want to go in my bosses face and say that I couldn't stay there. I just wanted that "confrontation" feeling to go away and I can just do what I was doing for about 6 months until it ended. That and the fact telling my family about it didn't help, it sort of gave me that extra push back from quitting. I know that they have my best interests in mind but we have different mind sets and beliefs so my way of thinking might be "dangerous" in these kinds of situations. I felt like I had to quit and when something like that speaks to you, you can't deny it. Me and my mom did talk a lot that weekend too about it, plus I haven't seen her in two days because I'm at work. She did give me a good tip. Taking B12 makes you feel better she said. When she was around my age and was stressed out she went to the doctor and the doctor gave he a shot of B12 and she felt better later that day or whatever the short time was. My sister, you all know she has started her business so she was going me financial advice. Telling me to save till I had enough to take of myself, the house, and etc for a year. Well, I tried that for a month and look what it led me. It wasn't working, it not going to work unless I like torturing myself.

After my bit of a melt down I went up stairs and tried to take a nap, but I was so upset that I couldn't even give it the time of day. The next morning on Monday I looked at the clock. I totally wasn't up for work, or even seeing my boyfriend. I felt like such an ass, that day even going under a rock for the rest of my life wouldn't be good enough for me to feel better. I decided to take the day off, just to give myself some time to think and get some rest. I wanted out of work so bad but I just didn't know what to do. That night I went and chatted with some of my close friends on the internet. One friend of mine was in the same situation and told me about a dream he had about running away from school group he was in. He was in the city running through street alleys but once he was in the worst and darker parts of the ally the dream ended. Then he said that "It must of meant leaving all the bad parts of his life", his job more or less. I was kind of shocked seeing that someone was going thought the same thing as me and to hear about his dream gave me the courage to finally quit mine!

That morning I got up as usual, I called my boss and left a message to him that I was had something important to tell him. When I got to the train station I saw my boyfriend sitting on the bench. We haven't met there for about two or so weeks and I was happy to see him. He wasn't mad at me either and said that he didn't know how I was feeling; he didn't want to be a bother so he didn't call on Monday. I felt the same way, but was too embarrassed to call him. I told him that I was going to quit Vanguard that day, this was it. He said back "So you're really serious about this?" I told him yeah (insert speech here).

So I went to work (time seem crazy long too) and went to my boss and told him that I couldn't work there anymore. My boss is a really cool and kind guy so I saw his concern with I said that. He asked if there was anything that he can do to help or a change of schedule. A part of me wanted to say yes but I knew that my time was up. I just wasn't happy there anymore. After everything was said and done, I felt really shocked and anxious. It kind of felt unsecured and that made me want to run back and say "hey I think I made a mistake! How about that change of schedule!" I really kind of felt bad but being led to this wasn't a mistake and figure that I would get over it. That feeling did go away after I went home and all the ideas of what I can do now came in. So much I want to get done and start, I just can't wait! I can even can start selling things in due time I just need to know about the shipping and packing and I should be all set!

Among that here are some other Good news I have to share!

• I got my hands on a 60gig PS3 last night including more then two games, controllers, memory card reader, and additional cords.

The person that was selling it is actually Eddz from Manga Bullet. I went to the journal just for kicks and saw the PS3. I always wanted one and wanted to get one before I left work. I PMed him about it and it was the kind of PS3 that was backward compatible and is really hard to find! So we negotiated the price to something we both agreed and after about 45 minutes of me trying to give him the funds it all worked out! I got my hands on the very PS3 that I wanted with tons of extra for a real sweet price! It should be coming in a week or two. I can't wait! Oh, and to sweeten the deal he gave me a year subscription to Manga Bullet! Only the first five to buy something were suppose to get a month's sub. I love when things come together!

• I mention before that I went clothes shopping at Hot Topic. I'm currently trying to update my wardrobe to something more suitable for me. For years I really didn't care what I wore, t-shirts and dickies is what I wore 80% of my life. Now, since I had the money and currently trying to get rid of old clothes I went out to Hot Topic to go clothes shopping for the spring. I got a lot of good pieces too for cheap (clearance section whore). I might take some pictures of them later.

• On another note I got more deco den molds and books with more coming! I'm haven't had the time to really use them and test them out so you can expect a lot of crafts in the future.

• My TMM club has reached over 5,000 views over the week. I was so amazed! It was about 4,400 about a few days ago. Then I look here and to see it shoot up in over a day like this. Its so amazing and inspiring! With my new found free time I'm going to try to make new graphics for the world as well as new posts and maybe a contest.

• Expect a lot of new artwork as well! I have gift art to give and art trades to do. My new Copic markers are begging to be used and I can't wait to get back out there! Maybe even a few random manga pages to practice with!

Any way, I know this was a super long post but if you read it thanks, it's nice to know that someone reads this and hopefully learn from my mistakes and lessons.

Was there anytime that you had a dead end feeling about something? What did you do? If you quit, was it the right thing after all? And if you stayed even though things got hard, did they get better and it was all worth it? :0

Thanks again guys!
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