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Hey everyone! Just bumping the old journal out of the way since it's unspeakably old. I want to thank everyone that faves or shows any type of support for me and my art. I never always say it but I'm thankful for everything anyone does to support me.

I haven't been drawing as much as you can tell but I'm hoping to come back to my art more since my main focus have been my angel card business.

Whenever I get a chance I'll post something for you all! Thanks for sticking by me! :D
  • Listening to: happy hard core X3
If your interested you can check out my prices here…
  • Listening to: happy hard core X3
Vent to me, tell me what's the worst part about being an artist on the internet. Hard to get notice, the artists that can't draw but are insanely popular, self confidence, comparing yourself of others, not improving enough?

Anything and everything, I want to know. Don't sugar coat it either, cuss and fuss. I really want to see what makes artists angry in today's world, especially on the internet.  

I just started writing about it and I want to know more about the matter. I know first hand 90% of it but I also want to hear other stories as well.
  • Listening to: happy hard core X3
Been meaning to do this FOR A WHILE and since I have nothing important to talk about I’ll to it now.


All of them, every single one, online and off. I thank god/universe/all that is everyday that I have them. They inspire me, pick me up, they make me dream, and they make me want to be the best person I can ever be. I love my friends.

I think the best part about my friends as a whole is that they are all different. Different styles, walks of life, philosophies, and flavors. I never know what’s going to be said or be heard, that’s why it’s so exciting to put up something or have good news to tell.

When it comes to my art oh boy, friends always played a great role in that. The top on the list and my very most favorite is gifts, not receiving them but giving them. For years I notice that when ever I make a gift (drawing) for a friend its better then my normal art. I don’t force it out, or even “try” its just flows naturally. I’m always excited seeing it come together even when I’m just thinking of the possible theme of it. I can’t wait till the person sees it, I love working on it, and I feel like that much better of an artist because I feel like/have improved greatly. That’s what art should feel like, all the time, everyday. Then I was thinking not too long ago, maybe when I was working on Pudding’s B-day present about how all my gifts pictures where always better. I wondered if that still held true since I haven’t really done it in a long time. Then I thought about the concept again later on and said to myself “Yeah I still got it, this picture looks great”. I thought back on the more recent pictures I’ve made for others and said “It really is true, it never left”.

I don’t know maybe it’s my gift of gifts? I always love giving in every form but I don’t know where it comes from in artistic form, but I won’t question it. I just know that it definitely drives my passion for art and no amount of words can describe my gratitude for that alone. So thank you my friends for everything you guys done for me whether you know it or not.

I am a part of all that I have met.  ~Alfred Lord Tennyson
  • Listening to: happy hard core X3
I just wanted to say thank you for all the faves, comments, and love I've been getting lately! It really makes me feel good and I can't come to everyone to say thanks, but I wanted to let everyone know that I'm always thankful!
  • Listening to: happy hard core X3
I just came back from going out and find some much needed inspiration for life in general today. The last day or so I felt completely alien to everything around me. As if I just moved in a new family, house, and this planet as a whole. I just felt so weird and withdrawn from the world as if I didn't fit in and just didn't belong. I didn't want to talk to anyone or socialize on the internet at all. I just wanted to go upstairs and be by myself for the rest of forever. I hate feeling that way too because I want to be happy and grateful for life and etc etc (fluff crap I know) but lately I just wasn't "feeling it". Today  I had a very good time out. Probably not as good as other days but it was still good. I feel wonderful now and I can continue on and not feel like s*it.

So while I was heading to drunken donuts and crossing the street, a lady called me over. The first two times I ignored her just incase she was those less then sane homeless people but when I decided to go to her and she didn't seem that way at all. At first I thought she was going to ask me directions since she had a map and was telling me about some places she came from. Then she was saying how her grandma had a stroke and she was coming from the hospital her grandma was in.

Needless to say I was trying to feel her out because people pull a lot of crap to get a dime out of you. She continued to say that she needed 7 dollars to get to a New Jersey bus to get home since the fares and fees ate up her money at the hospital. Her cell phone was dead and she was at the verge of tears. I really felt for her and she seemed legit with her story. She kindly asked if I could give her anything so she can get home. I'm going to be honest and say that I did felt some pressure to give her some money since I didn't want to seem like a jerk or anything. Then I don't want her to be telling the truth and I just walked away. At the same time I was more then willing to give her my last 5 bucks I had on me (I had a 20 as well but that was my moms). Not because I just wanted to get out of the situation but I did wanted her to get home. Christ, I couldn't imagine how bad she must of felt. God forbid if I was in such a situation, I would feel like total shit too. She even told me that I looked a sober jersey girl (I'm from Philadelphia, PA and New Jersey is not far from us) and she didn't want anyone to embarrass her about this. She also didn't like the fact she was asking for money from strangers.

At the end it was only natural to give her the five dollar bill that was I had in my pocket and even if she was a REALLY good scammer. I am HELPING some one in need and I always keep that in mind when I'm giving a stranger money. She was so grateful that I gave her the money too; it really does make me feel good even now. She said she will ask someone else for the rest of the fare she needed. Then she asked me if she could have a hug, which I was more then happy to give her. :) She wished me a good day and to have her grandma in my prayers. I did the same to her. I really REALLY hope she makes it home safe and she didn't take me for a ride. I really felt awkward and concerned that I gave up my money to a scammer but I feel really good about it now. I even decided to treat myself with a coolatta at D&D (was going for a small coffee) with my moms 20 dollar bill on the way home haha!

I think that deed alone really made me feel better about everything in life and it isn't just one big anus trip. Good things does happen when you least expect it (you might be that good thing) so you minds enjoy yourself while you wait for it. :)
  • Listening to: happy hard core X3
You can check them out at my blog.…
Hey and hello! Welcome back. I got a lot of important and awesome things to talk about! This journal post was way overdue but I'm going to list some of the things that happened to me as of late.

I went to the family doctor about getting a referral to a neurologist for weird sensations and chest pains. WELL, he concluded that it probably won't help and I should talk to a physiologist because of my stresses at work and anxiety. WTF… And to think I was going to get real help… I'm out of work so I'm not stressed like I was and I'm sick of everyone thinking I got some kind of anxiety problem. I don't have that on a daily bases only when I'm freaked out about my health and not knowing what's going on. Anyway they said that I was going to be called back to get a heart test but I never heard form them, they also took my blood that same day. It wasn't that bad but I was sweating bullets the whole time haha!

I got FF13 three weeks ago and I love it! It's a little slow in the beginning but as the story progress it gets really deep!

I saw my friend (the one that had a crush on me but I didn't feel the same) about a week ago. I was so happy, so happy in fact that my face hurt by the time he left because I was smiling so damn much!  We talked, played video games, and found out that he got fired because he was late a lot. BUT it wasn't his fault it, was the bus system. The bus would be late or wouldn't show up at all and that what caused him to be late. I told him how stressful my work was and how I quit and get this. That same day my BF called me and told me that he just got the axe at his job ( the same job I was in)! Oh, and my sister got the axe about three weeks ago (her job screwed her over a lot anyway)  I can't help but feel that even though we all got fired or quit, there is something much better coming our way.

I got my state ID last week! It was a pain in the ass because I had to wait 2 hours just to take the picture and stuff. I wanted to be at the Penndot (what the place is called) when it opened because it's always crowded but I stayed up the night before. I woke up an hour later then I wanted to but I still manage to get my lazy but up and go. I went there before to try to get the ID but I needed more mail to show my address. SO AWESOME. >:C

The point of getting the ID was so I can get a bank account to link to my paypal. Once I get that done with other little things I should be ready to sell my trinkets! On a crafter's update, I made more cakes! A coffee and another strawberry one. I really like the strawberry one; I think its one of my favorites so far. I also made donuts with molds and completely hand made ones. I tested out using different ways to give them that toasted look. It all came out well. I just wish it was sunny so I can take really good pictures of them.

I found my muse again in my art. I know I have been trying hard to practice and get better but I found that I'm not as into my drawings as I use to be. Or wanting to color them because I just don't feel like it. I just didn't have that kind of connection to make me what to color it. But I found out (again) that when I channel my feelings in my work and draw out myself and how I feel I get that "connection" again and the drive to color it. It's like I can see all the possibilities in it that I didn't see before and it makes me to draw more and more. I also learned that I shouldn't push myself to draw an overly different or difficult post when I do my real drawing sessions at night. It can really take a lot out of me and I should just practice those kinds of things in my smaller note book in the morning.

I've been getting into traditional coloring again! I've finally tested out my copics on a recent picture I drew (haven't posted yet) and it's not half bad. It's a real learning curve with copics though, since I never use to color with them. I can see myself using them though, I love it. I think I'll try more flat colors on the next picture. I've started coloring my cup cake lady picture with colored pencils. It's a pain how long it takes but I love the finished product of my coloring. Its been a while since I colored traditionally so getting back into it like I am now makes me feel really good. On that note, I have tons of work doodles and pictures I need to submit!

I think I'll do another journal later in the week since I have tons of stuff to talk about.

Till then!
Please help!

Okay, so everyone knows that my dream for recent years was to make cute things and sell them online. I've been very diligent on that goal and I'm very close to it! I've gotten my state ID and will be able to get a bank account for my paypal soon. The most I need now is know shipping costs internationally and packaging. All the other little things I've pretty much figured out too but there is one major problem that I've been having. It's been totally eating away at me for a few weeks now…


I know that about last year I made a few graphics for my brand but I really want a new look. But for some reason I just can't think of a great image/style for my band "The Candy Sanctuary". Now, I've notice another thing over the pass few months. There are a lot of other people doing the same kind of thing I'm doing (and probably way before me). But when I look at there graphics products and the overall brand. It all looks similar to each other.

When I just started out the clay thing (over a year ago) and stuff there were a lot of people that was simply inspiring! I love looking at their products and things, but seeing at what I'm doing I'm really trying to set myself apart from the "popular cute look" they seem to have. Before I took such a notice of this I would think that two or three of these people were all the same person haha!

Even though this proved to be a problem I found it a really helpful way to define myself and my brand, but need help with it… YOUR HELP! (points at you) I want some feedback on what kinds of things that you may like to see or tell me what your sick of seeing or just anything that you think will help.   

The look I want is cute, pink, cutting edge, café, and sweets inspired (mostly anyway) but I don't to throw out what's already been done. I've been thinking of maybe a rave inspired style or take the cute idea into something different IDK. Here are the people I'm talking about. They all are great and I love the products they make as well but take notice the similar look.…

Here are my favorite people. I love the "different" look of their works and I just want to combine the essences of their awesomeness and make it my own. XD…

Now I just want your opinions. I know that my crafts have been favorable where I posted them and I want to see how far I can take this with my future shop. I feel totally awesome making my little cakes and its very stress reliving!

I have tons of idea of what I can do with my brand but I want to hear from you all first. Plus I didn't want this post to get too long. XD

Thanks for reading and provide feedback if you can!
Well, welcome to another action packed journal post about your favorite raspberry colored fox.

This one is a biggie. I never thought I could do this but I knew that it was the right thing to do.

I quit my job… Completely.

It's weird because it like… well. I can't explain it but I knew this was the right thing to do. I knew I should have quit about a month ago but I didn't want to because of the income and getting craft things. I thought that if I did quit I would throw myself into something bad. But at the same time it felt right to quit, when I started to feel stressed and like I had NO TIME TO MYSELF WHAT SO EVER I should of token action then. I know how I feel and these feelings weren't "work feelings" as my sister and mother referred them too. No, these were my creative expression, my more non-ego self screaming at me to do better and leave before things got worst.

At one time I really did want to get hired full time and study Roth IRA's and crap like that to enhance my experience and to do my best. I had drive behide what I was doing, and I felt like there was something at the end of the road for me there, I really did. But shortly after when our team leaders changed and I start learning more and more functions things just start being a hassle. Things got more stressful and just difficult. We all know I want to make charms and sell them to the internet, so whenever I can I would buy crafts and practice on them. Not only that but the work schedule is crazy and hard to get used too.

Week 1: Monday to Thursday- and I would have Friday to Sunday off.

Then into week 2: Monday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday I would have work and have Tuesday, Wednesday, and Sunday off.

Then I would go back to week 1 and repeat. Not only that but I worked 10 hour days except Saturday (we got out early on the weekend).

Work stared at 7:30AM and ended 6:30PM. I would leave at 6:00PM since I had to take the last shuttle home. Going and coming to work takes two hours each and there was no way around it. So I would wake up at 4:30-5:00AM and leave the house at 5:50AM for work. Then coming home I would arrive around 8:00PM. I go to bed at 9 so that usually leaves me less then as hour of any me time when I had work.

If you have something to do you can always wait for one of the days off but you will be so tired that you would want to sleep and laze around all day.

It's probably all confusing but long story short it was an all out bitch on the daily. Trying to get craft stuff on days off, practicing, trying to be active on the net, trying to rest up for the coming work days, trying to get things organize, maintaining enough energy to work in front of a super bright computer screen in a super bright area, learning a bunch of new functions all at once, and trying to step up my productivity and accuracy at work. WTF.

I knew I was doing too much but I never mapped it out like this. No wonder I got so stressed. No person should live life like this, we're not robots and shouldn't work almost nonstop for 10 hours. It's like juggling ten things with one hand.

I was so stressed out that on the past Sunday I pretty much broke down. Me and my boyfriend was suppose to hang out with his friends and eat at the old country buffet. That Saturday we had work and after work I went clothes shopping and went to the downtown mall in Philadelphia (where I reside in that's two hours away from the king of Prussia mall where hot topic is). So that morning I felt not tired (since I was tired that whole week) but exhausted. I have gotten really cranky that early morning but I wanted to hang out with friends still since I wasn't going to do anything productive. When it was time to get ready I just really wanted to stay home and sleep, but lately I've been wanting to push myself to go that extra mile. Hard work produces good results right? WRONG. When I was getting ready, everything was just falling apart. Things got into my eye, my hair was a complete mess, then my Boyfriend seemed a bit pet peeved as well since I shooed him away when he was trying to be affectionate. I was done, just sick of everything and told him to just go without me on the steps. I was so upset and just angry that tears started to flow. I didn't want to deal with anything and just wanted to go to bed.

So my boyfriend said that he was going home. I apologized to him and said "I didn't mean to ruin your day; I'm just so stressed out!" I was and it was epic. I saw it coming too but I didn't want to go in my bosses face and say that I couldn't stay there. I just wanted that "confrontation" feeling to go away and I can just do what I was doing for about 6 months until it ended. That and the fact telling my family about it didn't help, it sort of gave me that extra push back from quitting. I know that they have my best interests in mind but we have different mind sets and beliefs so my way of thinking might be "dangerous" in these kinds of situations. I felt like I had to quit and when something like that speaks to you, you can't deny it. Me and my mom did talk a lot that weekend too about it, plus I haven't seen her in two days because I'm at work. She did give me a good tip. Taking B12 makes you feel better she said. When she was around my age and was stressed out she went to the doctor and the doctor gave he a shot of B12 and she felt better later that day or whatever the short time was. My sister, you all know she has started her business so she was going me financial advice. Telling me to save till I had enough to take of myself, the house, and etc for a year. Well, I tried that for a month and look what it led me. It wasn't working, it not going to work unless I like torturing myself.

After my bit of a melt down I went up stairs and tried to take a nap, but I was so upset that I couldn't even give it the time of day. The next morning on Monday I looked at the clock. I totally wasn't up for work, or even seeing my boyfriend. I felt like such an ass, that day even going under a rock for the rest of my life wouldn't be good enough for me to feel better. I decided to take the day off, just to give myself some time to think and get some rest. I wanted out of work so bad but I just didn't know what to do. That night I went and chatted with some of my close friends on the internet. One friend of mine was in the same situation and told me about a dream he had about running away from school group he was in. He was in the city running through street alleys but once he was in the worst and darker parts of the ally the dream ended. Then he said that "It must of meant leaving all the bad parts of his life", his job more or less. I was kind of shocked seeing that someone was going thought the same thing as me and to hear about his dream gave me the courage to finally quit mine!

That morning I got up as usual, I called my boss and left a message to him that I was had something important to tell him. When I got to the train station I saw my boyfriend sitting on the bench. We haven't met there for about two or so weeks and I was happy to see him. He wasn't mad at me either and said that he didn't know how I was feeling; he didn't want to be a bother so he didn't call on Monday. I felt the same way, but was too embarrassed to call him. I told him that I was going to quit Vanguard that day, this was it. He said back "So you're really serious about this?" I told him yeah (insert speech here).

So I went to work (time seem crazy long too) and went to my boss and told him that I couldn't work there anymore. My boss is a really cool and kind guy so I saw his concern with I said that. He asked if there was anything that he can do to help or a change of schedule. A part of me wanted to say yes but I knew that my time was up. I just wasn't happy there anymore. After everything was said and done, I felt really shocked and anxious. It kind of felt unsecured and that made me want to run back and say "hey I think I made a mistake! How about that change of schedule!" I really kind of felt bad but being led to this wasn't a mistake and figure that I would get over it. That feeling did go away after I went home and all the ideas of what I can do now came in. So much I want to get done and start, I just can't wait! I can even can start selling things in due time I just need to know about the shipping and packing and I should be all set!

Among that here are some other Good news I have to share!

• I got my hands on a 60gig PS3 last night including more then two games, controllers, memory card reader, and additional cords.

The person that was selling it is actually Eddz from Manga Bullet. I went to the journal just for kicks and saw the PS3. I always wanted one and wanted to get one before I left work. I PMed him about it and it was the kind of PS3 that was backward compatible and is really hard to find! So we negotiated the price to something we both agreed and after about 45 minutes of me trying to give him the funds it all worked out! I got my hands on the very PS3 that I wanted with tons of extra for a real sweet price! It should be coming in a week or two. I can't wait! Oh, and to sweeten the deal he gave me a year subscription to Manga Bullet! Only the first five to buy something were suppose to get a month's sub. I love when things come together!

• I mention before that I went clothes shopping at Hot Topic. I'm currently trying to update my wardrobe to something more suitable for me. For years I really didn't care what I wore, t-shirts and dickies is what I wore 80% of my life. Now, since I had the money and currently trying to get rid of old clothes I went out to Hot Topic to go clothes shopping for the spring. I got a lot of good pieces too for cheap (clearance section whore). I might take some pictures of them later.

• On another note I got more deco den molds and books with more coming! I'm haven't had the time to really use them and test them out so you can expect a lot of crafts in the future.

• My TMM club has reached over 5,000 views over the week. I was so amazed! It was about 4,400 about a few days ago. Then I look here and to see it shoot up in over a day like this. Its so amazing and inspiring! With my new found free time I'm going to try to make new graphics for the world as well as new posts and maybe a contest.

• Expect a lot of new artwork as well! I have gift art to give and art trades to do. My new Copic markers are begging to be used and I can't wait to get back out there! Maybe even a few random manga pages to practice with!

Any way, I know this was a super long post but if you read it thanks, it's nice to know that someone reads this and hopefully learn from my mistakes and lessons.

Was there anytime that you had a dead end feeling about something? What did you do? If you quit, was it the right thing after all? And if you stayed even though things got hard, did they get better and it was all worth it? :0

Thanks again guys!
Hey guys, how's its going?

Well, it time for that daily update and I've been a little busy bee!

Before I begin I want to say thanks for all the love, hugs, and comments on my last uploads! I feel so loved here, thanks a bunch!

I've been shopping for all the supplies and mediums that I wanted to try out and use in the pass two days. Man, did I pay for it yesterday; I wanted to go up to Michaels to grab some resin and such by bus. It took us TWO hours because of the snow and etc. It usually takes about 45-60 minutes depending on traffic. It was night time then too which I didn't enjoy. Even though I was pretty much angry and hungry through the whole trip it was worth it. And today I got the smooth on mold maker and casting starter kit. I went up to Pearls art store to get some resin molds that I could use today, only find out that they are flat out closed! What a disappointment too, I was really banking on getting some resin molds to test out with. But its cool I'm just glad I'm able to even go out and do this. If these storms didn't come in and I had work I wouldn't have had time to get the things I needed.

I have so many ideas too! It seems endless; I really can't wait to try them all out. What I really what to do is make cell phone charms and such. I have the ink jet shrink paper that I want to test out and coat with resin so it completely waterproof and durable. I love those things and I want to make all kinds of them. I really want to make some TMM ones and my characters.

Beside that I've been testing other things like the silicone whip cream. I decided to do another batch including a colored one. It was suppose to be pink but I put too much red oil paint and it came out darker. It was still awesome to work with, I loved it. I even refilled the regular white bag of it to do more designs and make cream sandwiches. I use crystals, small clay parts, and sparkles on them as well, I had a blast. They are all done curing and ready to come off the wax paper. I took picture of them but I've yet to edit and put them together. I should do that today and post that tonight. I think you guys will really get a kick out of them.

In other shopping supplies news, I got another deco book off the net and some resin clay molds (for my paper clay). Those molds are expensive too but are well worth it since I won't have to craft each piece together which I still like to do. But for the smaller filler pieces I would like molds so the work load won't be so huge. I also got some Japanese language books some I can really study it. It would great to be able to read the deco books one day.

Valentines Day… I love this holiday and I always did. I would always buy chocolates and gifts for my family, friends, etc. But this year I'm so out of sync this year with trying to get craft supplies. I mean, if I wasn't so caught up with trying to start my business and out trying to get stuff I think I would be more focus on it. It's not like my other family members gives half a crap. It's just another holiday to them. But I love it, even if it was only made for people to spend money in stores. I just think its great and I just gotten a boyfriend this year. The one thing that really sickens me is the anti-valentines people. Those that just sulk and bitch about it. I mean it's not about having a boy or girl friend, it's about showing some one (anyone) how much you care about them. NOT about if you have a partner or not. Plus, it's only once a year and it comes then it goes so stop whining. I think I wrote about this last year… Yup, I did, even about the hater people… Funny.
I figured that I should just make this a full fledged journal post since it's explains more so of the sudden rush of the moment post that I did last night. Also of the way I was feeling at the moment as well. This was the reply of the comment of the last post on another site I'm on. I starting and yet again I just let it loose. Not as energetic as last time since I just came from work but definitely just as passionate about how I feel.

Thanks for responding!

I'm glad you found it inspirational; I hope other people did as well. It was such a spur-of-the-moment kind of thing, I just wanted to write what I was feeling for the last few days in this journal since I felt creatively and emotionally blocked. In retrospect I feel kind of embarrassed of just going out there like that. But at the same time it was nothing of mature nature, bashing, or putting out a completely personal matter. I just wanted people to feel how I felt. Excited, caged, creativity, rage, the whole nine rolled up and pushed in your mouth. Mostly the need to create and share it with the world. I haven't really posted anything in some time, and seeing everything one drawing, commenting, and posting I feel really bounded and caged. As much as I love to be active on the nets in general besides of my days off, I have no time for any of it. And when I'm off, I'm crazy tired and just want to sleep and be lazy.

It's a real oxy moron moment of my life really. I have most of the things that I wanted since college, a good paying job, a boyfriend, great friends, a *less* depressing household to come in. And yet one of my life passions seemly was the cost of it. I barely have time to draw/or do things when I'm not a work ha-ha. Barely have time to be crafty. The most I can do is watch what I can on the internet and when I don't have things to do on my days off, dedicate them to exploring my new venture and pray that I won't be at where I am for too long. I love working and really earning cash but I need a creative one. Investment is not for me, there's no room for creatively in that field. Its just sit on a computer, learn how to do it and then do for 10 hours a day 4 days a week.

My eyes curse my name everyday for that. XD

Maybe this happened so that I can really put my foot forward even more so since I'm in the position to do so. Everything has been working in my favor even when I thought I wasn't on track or was lead astray. I do believe everything happens for a reason. But I definitely learned as much action you can put into anything you have to be as patient so that things can be placed properly in your life. If you go too fast you might be out of sync of what needs to be done to get where you need to go. If you don't put your self out there and not act on perfect time when that event presents it self, the ball doesn't start rolling either. It's all about going with the flow I guess. ^-^0

Thanks for the reply really, I appreciate it and your words!


With that I just wanted to state some other things that have happened in my life, quite some exciting ones!

• I made my first internet purchase! It was from Esty. I've gotten a fake food easer set for the molds and two Japanese decoden books. It was something too; I was in training (additional training) on the computer and then a total rush of energy and excitement totally slapped me on the face. Telling me I have to buy this! I couldn't shake the feeling of wanting to buy it. Of course I been wanted to buy stuff from esty but was too scared to do so. But that day was different, I had to buy it. So that night as soon as I got home I signed up for esty and luckily the name "the candy sanctuary" wasn't taken. I thought that in it self was kind of freaky, I thought some one would have been taken but once again that "magical" touch has creped its way into all this. So I got an account searched for what I wanted and brought it. It's coming from Japan so it may take a week or so. I brought it on Monday so I hope it will be there by then. I'm going to have to take pictures of it when I'm done!

• I got some latex gloves and face mask for working with silicone for the whipped cream for my crafts. I've tried the modeling paste but it doesn't keep its form that much. It sinks a lot and loses a lot of the detail of "whipped cream". But I can still use it for plenty of things like melting chocolate, cream filling, and icing. I'm glad that I brought it and found so many good uses for it. I got to take pictures of that as well.

• The cute clay tutorial is to turning into my Candy Sanctuary blog! I figured that it would far more useful for my new adventure rather then a blog full of other people tutorials primarily. I'll still post there (when I have time mind you) but it will be on my progress of my business adventure and crafts.

• I'm trying to start my gift art extravaganza! I have tons of people that I want to draw for but the first one has to be for mewpudding. Our art trade is WAY over due and it's just damn rude to this point to not have posted my part of it. XD So yeah your first my lady. I want to post a list of people I'm planning to draw for  but I want it to be secret too ;3

• I'm trying to fine tune my chibi style and my drawings in general. I think I've been lacking on the realistic side of things especially in the face. It's too hard to try to make eyes that aren't the whole generic big eye thing. I've been practicing bodies a lot at work and I've gotten better making them less weird and stuff. So yeah I think some of my gift art will contain some nicely made chibi's and art.

• I'm getting TONS of déjà vu's lately. Like at least once a week. I haven't had this many since middle school. Real freaky if you ask me. :0

I'm so dying to getting to know my peers and future target audience for my upcoming little Shoppe, The Candy Sanctuary.

I need to know what you like, enjoy and have fun wearing. I'm trying to set everything up one at a time so I can keep an even flow of energy. I don't want to rush and get thrown off like I did numerous times before. I'm sick of not getting to where I need to get to. I really want this to work right and I will do all I can for it. This means I really got to be in tune with my heart, passion, and just life. Learn to listen to the signs and let things fall in place right in front of me. There's nothing more then a will planed strategy and this is it. Take your time and follow your instincts… let that guide you rather then the need of survival and having to control everything in your life. Let life work for you and not the other way around. When you let the universe (or whatever you what to call it) work for you rather then against you, some magical things can happen. And I want that in my life, right now. I finally got the resources now it's the time to act full force without stopping. With everything I got, no matter what the cost. I know I will be awarded for my efforts and bravery.

I hope you enjoyed my little rant or inspirational speech on what's it like to be human with some serious drive.

But really? What do you think of decoden, I'm trying to give into peoples heads here. I really don't care if you buy it or not. That's not what I'm aiming for. I just really just what the overall connection with someone like myself. That's what I want to do. Design, to those who are like me. They what to be artistic, cool, and just different. That's what I what to die doing because I was born doing it. I what to know how it feels to really live off your creations and enjoy your career. Even though I have a really good job pay wise, its just not what I what to do for very long. When I'm there I struggle against work, boredom and a raging creativity bug that bites every so often. Its like a disease and I have to cure it, any way I can. I just can't sit and not draw or not thing about drawing. I have to create something, or I'll just burst into pieces. I'm not sure if anyone gets me but if you do give me a shout. About anything, I want to know who's really reading this on the other side of my computer. I really what to have some kind of connection on what may be right for my career and future plans.

I hope everyone has a really good night. And yes, this was definitely one of those creatively bursts I was talking about. Ha-ha!
I rise again like a phoenix to give you updates! RAWR MUCH?

So I finally have time to do a real update and tell how much I love the day! Even though I had work (had to wake up at like 4:00AM) everything really turned around for me! I was stuck on RPO's again which is super easy work (no outcalls or difficult processing) but boring too. The only thing to really pass the time is listening of my mp3 player and thinking deeply about something.

This reminds me I had my first evaluation at work. I was sooo nervous because I didn't really know if I was doing things right or what. But I had a really good evaluation! Craig, my supervisor that I was where I should be when it comes to productivity level and my accuracy level was a bit over 97% . WTF… I was so surprised! I didn't know I where doing so well. I'm so excited! He said that it was really strong, I take difficult calls, I'm always professional and I'm dependable. The only blemish was my tardiness which was because of the buses and a little situation that could have turned into a privacy issue. Other then that he said that with someone with my background coming right out of school I'm doing really well. I felt really good after that so much so that I was still nervous XD….

Getting back with today, after work I was going to go down to blick's art store but I had to go to the bathroom really bad and get a transpass for next week. Well, going down to the sub station was a waste of time because the information/transit stand was close. So then I still had to go to the bathroom and now I'm super hungry. I go down the street to get me some fast sushi but the first place I went pass didn't had any. I think for a second and figured that I can go to the bathroom at the mall down the street and check out the express borders to see if they were closing down. Well they were which is very saddening for me but on the plus side they still had manga for 65% off!!!

*Brain explosion*  

So I pretty much ignore the fact that I had to go the bathroom and I was suppose to go to Blick's art store. I racked up on some good titles. I ended up with 8 books, 7 being mangas and one book on business. The business book is really unconventional and just my style too, what a treat! It's pretty much the author interviewing people about following your heart and inspiration as a business model rather then more rational, forced plan. Something that I think I run on as far a "business" goes. Even though I look for ways to have a good plan, but I end up following my feelings when it comes to the matter. Rather its laziness, inspiration, drawing, searching the internet endlessly, designing, or simply trying to connect with the people my target audience is, I always go where my heart is.

I'm so cheesy…

In craft news, I got around with playing with some of the new items that I brought from Michaels two weeks ago. I had some serious macaroons ideas in my head and started making a sugar encrusted macaroon with a vintage stamp on top. I think it's going to but a necklace since the macaroon is too big to be anything else. I have the two pieces done I just need the whip cream filling more of the sugar around the edges, then finally a nice gloss finish on it. I also got to make the necklace part too, that should be fun. I haven't done that in like a year.

I want to make mini sweet treat cell phone charms!!! D':

Oh, I've been making small cakes too! I made two cakes and sliced them up a few days ago. Now I need to texture them and decide what I'm going to do with them. I think I should make ear rings and cell phone charms out of them. I'm not sure I just want to make some really cute stuff all day tomorrow.

Gosh, I forgot I about the con! Well it was super awesome. It was the best weekend ever. But I think I will save it for tomorrow or so when I post some pictures and the stuff I got. :3

I'm downloading some deco/Lolita mags too. You can find them here:…

See ya later!
• I'm going to my first anime convention this Friday through Sunday!
• I brought tons of craft stuff from Michaels for my deco-den needs! Even three frames to practice on.
• SO many updates and pretty art but don't have enough time to comment on anything!
• People still insist to do more bitching about anime then drawing it! >XC
• Went over my boyfriend's friend's house yesterday and had a blast!
• My best friend's B-day is tomorrow, I want to get him something nice for being an awesome friend!
• I drew on Sunday but didn't have much inspiration. :C
• I had work on Saturday and it blew ass. But it was okay because that's when I got my craft stuff.
• I still need more stuff for the convention! X0
• I got like 7 mangas over the pass two weeks since the borders express was moving locations.
• I want to draw fan art of my new mangas
• I want to start drawing my gift art for people!
• My eye was twitching for about a week now, but it stopped because I got away from the computer at work and home for about a day (Sunday)
• I need to charge my zune badly!
• I love you guys! Seriously!
When artists constantly complain, bitch, and whine about anime/art in general.

• No one is putting any effort in their art anymore

• Everything looks the same

• The generic anime girl

• Same portraits, faces and characters with no background

• No back-story

• No emotion in the characters

• Only making fan art for page views and to sell in the cons

• get inspiration and ambition


Welcome to the world… it’s a bitch isn’t it? Please do me a favor…

Shut up… SERIOUSLY   >:I

What the hell is wrong with people? People will draw what they are going to draw whether effort is put into it or not. Whether for page views/ attention or not. Whether it’s for just fun and they are not seriously perusing art in life. It’s just the way shit is PLEASE get over it and yourselves.

And yet again the people that blurt out such crap do it themselves. This is what’s wrong in this world. People are SO hung up on the negative and how things should be that they are wasting time complaining about shit that will probably won’t change and won’t make their life any better.

How the hell do you know if someone spends 15 minutes or whole days on one piece of art? Or if it has a back-story or not?  If it really has emotions or not? Not one is fucking psychic so we can’t just KNOW everything from a just looking at the picture. The only thing we can get is what is presented to us and our perceptions of the picture. So even the most generic piece of art might seem bland and hollow to US but the artist might have a whole world and back-story to it tucked away somewhere. People, I swear…

Then the whole nameless character doing nothing in blank space thing… We all did it at least once, so I don’t even what to hear it… >:E

Not everyone’s art will have super duper diverse styles and techniques in there gallery. We all draw for different reasons. We all have are own goals in life.

Life is hard. Don’t go up someone’s ass because you think no one puts effort in their art anymore or just draw the same shit/animu for money. Fuck I would die to of draw aimlessly for some MUCH NEEDED money in a shit hole economy. It’s their choice what they draw. I have my dislikes too but WTF. If you don’t like what you see DON’T look at it. Click the back button. Leave the community; no one is tying you down to stay.

Sorry folks I just really had to get that off my chest. I think one of the hardest things with being in the anime community is stuff like this. People draw it (really good stuff) then bitch and moan on how bad it is.

One MORE thing. Yes, anime has its generic stereotypes, but just what? EVERYTHING DOES!

Every type of genre or genera is going to have its generic stereotypes. In stories, characters, plots, movies, shows, and cartoons all around the world, I don’t care it has one. Most likely anyway, I could be wrong…  

And you know what? We might like the cookie cutter thing but it’s useful because genera’s need that “base” of what it is. How can you make something better in the first place or put a twist in an age old archetype if there isn’t a generic base to it? I don’t like being generic (In any way) but it’s not the worst thing in the world if you can change it or improve on it in your art, story, whatever it may be.

People just need to relax and draw… Just draw because you want to and it makes you happy. What’s the point at the end of the day if we are going to bash each other for it? Lets just shut down all these web sites and draw in are lonesome…

You can only bash your own art then…
Here's another update!

The picture that I was working on and posted a WIP is finally done. Please go take a look I don't think you'll will be disappointed!   

Besides that, guess who got a 72 Copic marker set on Wednesday?

You wouldn't believe how long I wanted these markers! And a new art store finally opened up downtown that sold them, but since I was in school and jobless I couldn't afford them. All that has changed for the better 2-3 years later (yay for waiting!), they had the 72 set on sell for $300 and I couldn't run fast enough to get them. Once again they are my X-mas gift for myself so I have about a week to drool all over them before I can actually use them. Which is fine, I love that feeling! It's like I'm a kid again. :3

So I'm done shopping for myself and now I have my family and friends to shop for. The biggest problem is that I have no clue what to get my boyfriend D:. In fact he already gotten my gift on Wednesday and is totally sure I'll love it. But I don't know if the gift I'm thinking about getting him well be "good enough" or at least on my end. It's a board game called "munchkin" it's originally a card game that he wanted really bad. I know he will love it but I wanted something more personal and homely for him… I don't know. It shouldn't even be a problem being that I know he will be happy if I got it for him.

I'll figure it out. D:

Have a great holiday everybody! I'll probably post on X-mas anyway. :P
And I'm back again! 8D

Hey all and how is everyone doing today? The holidays are coming up; does anyone have any special plans?

I'm doing fine. I'm done training and now on the floor! Also with that I'm on the compressed schedule. This means I have to be there a whole hour early! I was dreading it all weekend let me tell you. I boyfriend came over the weekend and I just couldn't let him go on Saturday night. When he started to get ready I was so sad and made my sappy face. He kept looking at me and I just looked at him with my puppy dog eyes. When he was pretty much ready to leave out the door he decided to stay the night. I was so happy! I really didn't want him to go because as soon as he did I would have been bored and would have nothing to look forward to but work, which I'm dreading in the first place.

Oh yeah, yesterday was my boyfriends first day at vanguard! He's going to be trained in the building I'm working in so we can have lunch together. I was really happy to see him too and he gave me his granola bar and cashews. I tore them up. I have to invest in work snacks now since I'm there 7:30AM to 6:30PM. I have to get up at 4:30AM and leave out at 5:50AM just to make it in time. It wasn't as bad as I thought. It didn't feel any different since it was still dark outside. It is a bit creepy going to the subway though since the sun is not even coming up yet. They also can let me out early (6:00pm) because I have to take the last shuttle home but I can only have a half hour break. Works for me, by 5:00pm I'm dead anyway XD

In more worthy news... I've finally got down on my paper clay and made some cookie and macaroon pieces for my deco den/jewelry. Paper clay feels amazing! I love the cool wetness of it. Its really good for the texture as well, I like how the macaroon came out but the cookies look okay, I'm just concerned that it may look too much like paper texture rather then biscuit/cookie texture. I haven't had time to try the silicone whipped cream yet either which I was head over hells for. I want to make more pieces before I embark on that. I want to make cakes, lollipops, strawberries, etc. I'm also thinking about getting some molds off esty. There are a lot that I can use like the fancy donuts and stuff. I also want to get some of that shrink plastic inkjet paper so I can make some cell phone charms of my characters. There's so much I want to do so little time! D:

I guess before I wrap this up, I'm getting a Zune HD this week for x-mas! I wanted a new mp3 player for about a year now and since I have the money to get one I want the best that's on the market. It was going to be either the IPod touch or the Zune HD. The Zune HD came up on top for me. I really wanted to be able to put my pictures on it and have my animes for viewing pleasure. The Zune HD has this fancy oled screen it should look quite spiffy! After I get that, I want to get the 72 set of copic markers. Hopefully I will be able to get a ps3 in time for x-mas but if I don't I'll just get it afterwards.

Okay, I'm going to enjoy my two days off! I work 4 days a week now I forgot to mention and I'm working on some pictures too. One should one up soon. It has to do with my incubus addiction. :3

Till next time!
Hey all welcome back to the gate of Hades for another update!  XD

Well, I just finish my second week of work. I'm getting use to the systems that we our working in. On Thursday and Friday we were doing real processing and it was a big mess. Everyone had questions and there wasn't a lot of work out there for the things we were trained for so far. On Thursday we got out early because of it. Friday was much better but it was a lot of work that required outcalls. Luckily, I didn't have to outcall the work I had. I also got paid on Wednesday… I like the numbers I'm seeing so I'm definitely going to do my best to stay here longer then the assignment is suppose to last.  

And dig this. The public bus system in my city "Septa" is planning to strike today at 6:00PM if another contact isn't made. We were suppose to know at midnight but they decided to push the time back to 6:00 which is really going to screw shit up if they decide to strike. I have to take the subway to get the train to work (the trains don't get affected because they are on another contact thank god). My sister and mother are screwed up as well since they take buses and subways to work. I'm really hoping they don't strike. The ONLY way I could get to work is to wake up earlier walk a good 20 minute walk next to a wooded area at 5-6AM in the morning to get to the nearest train stop. Anything could happen so both my mom and my sister don't want me to do that. I don't want to do it but I will because I need the money and I don't want to have a crappy attendance record because of this.  

In other news, I haven't drawn all week except craptasic doodles during break. I'm so itching to draw and I had lots of ideas over the week too. I might draw some stuff out and hopefully post something this weekend.
Welcome to Vanguard

Will I just completed my first day of training and boy my brain is DEAD….

So many terms and departments and stuff… MEH… It is interesting learning what I'll be doing which is processing clients requests and dealing with their money. Oh yeah it is an investment company. They do 41K's, retirement, plans, etc, etc… Not my cup of tea but whatever they pay well. And if I do a good job during my duration that I'm there I can get an interview to get a full time position… Works for me.

My trainer was nice enough to let us off an hour early since everyone was pretty much dead so I came home early. I'm concerned about how much art I can produce with this current schedule but I will get use to it and I still have the weekends. I also got more days off after the 5 week training even though I got to be there every other Saturday and have to be there a 7:30… Looking forward to that…

Whatever I'm going to stop complaining because it's not that bad it's just that first time hump. I can get use to this…

GOD was I nervous in there too… But I'm fine now since I'm home…

So I'm going to make my shrimp salad and play smash bros. Brawl on the WII my boyfriend lent to me. CB